Social Templates - Dealing with Situations as an Autistic Person
Last weekend, I stood in the middle of an unfamiliar leisure centre changing room, completely overwhelmed. The goal was to shower, but there were so many uncertainties in each step of the process that I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t know where to leave my bag, what to wear into the shower, how to get to them, how they worked, whether I should acknowledge the people around me, or if I should leave my shoes on. So, I stood there like a Sim character unable to complete its action, glitching. I did eventually navigate my way through the process, but burst into tears half an hour later when my brain began to process the overwhelm.
The problem was that I didn’t have a social template.
What are autistic social templates?
Social templates, or mental templates, are how I describe the templates my brain forms each time I face a new situation. It stores the situation, response and outcome, and files it away so the next time I come across a situation, my brain can sift through previous templates to find one that closely resembles it. I can then copy these actions with ease, preventing overwhelm. ‘Situations’ can mean anything from a task I am given, a new environment I am facing such as the changing room, or a conversation I am having.
I might appear to manage well, and perhaps that is why the comment “You don’t seem autistic” is not unfamiliar to me. I have a good job, I manage seemingly independently (this is untrue, but is what other people observe nonetheless), and I can appear confident, calm and responsible. That doesn’t mean I’m not autistic.
You see, if my brain doesn’t have a template to follow in each situation, then I am stuck. Like the Sims character with no assigned action. All there is, is overwhelm. With too many choices, not knowing what to expect and unable to predict possible outcomes.
Each new situation I face forms a new template. When created, unless demands or sensory input escalate drastically, I can follow the steps to reach the desired outcome. That is how I do my job well. It is how I navigate day-to-day life. Without them, I meltdown and panic. Or, at least, I do when I have reached somewhere safe.
Although it is true that everyone builds mental templates in some form, and learns from previous situations, many report having ‘common sense’. I have never understood this. I cannot simply ‘use common sense’. I have to sift through the templates, select the one most similar to the situation in-front of me and copy it. If there isn’t one, I am stuck.
A flow chart of how my brain processes situations using social templates
Unfortunately, I sometimes copy a similar template which does not consider the nuances of the new situation, and my previous response is not appropriate. For example, repeating a response deemed respectable in one situation is now rude or inconsiderate. Because I haven’t recognised hidden social messages, I cannot understand why this time the same response is unacceptable.
These experiences are common amongst autistic people, because social skills tend to be learned. For most people they develop naturally without them really thinking about it, but autistic brains are different. We learn from observing people around us and consciously controlling our reactions. Many life skills take a whole lot more learning, effort and revision. It is more of a conscious process.
It makes life incredibly exhausting. When I was sixteen, I wrote a list of ‘reasons why I could be autistic’, which included the fact that ‘everything has always seemed harder for me than other people.’ In every single situation. To interpret, to process and to respond.
I’ve never been able to just figure out situations on my own. Because, no template = no action. Social templates help me move through life.
Some things that can help autistic people:
Social Stories (a concept designed by Carol Gray) which include an outline of a situation, with information about what to expect, to increase understanding of what to do.
Information guides for different situations, for example a leaflet of photos of the new environment, information about the structure of activities, what to expect and who to talk to for support.
Being paired up with someone to guide them through the new experience.
Ensuring sensory needs are met (for example, a sensory friendly environment, noise cancelling headphones etc) so new information is able to be processed.
Reflecting on new situations afterwards to reflect on what went well and what could be done differently next time.
You may like to use this social template to reflect. It is a bit like what I imagine the templates my brain makes to look like! You can download it as a PDF by clicking here.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? If it does, is there anything you do to make navigating new situations easier?