'Bad’ Thoughts Do Not Mean You Are a Bad Person: The Research Article That Changed My Life as Someone with OCD

I want to tell you about a research article that completely changed my life as someone with OCD who experiences horrific, taboo intrusive thoughts. Someone recommended it to me in a support group run by Molly Lambert and Inside Intrusive, and I then sent it to my crisis nurse (who circulated it around the whole crisis team), my Occupational Therapist and my Clinical Psychologist, because of how life-changing it was and how it explained what I didn’t have the words for.

It’s called ‘Risk assessment and management in obsessive-compulsive disorder’ published in Advances in Psychiatric Treatment (2009) by David Veale, Mark Freeston, Georgina Krebs, Isobel Heyman & Paul Salkovskis.

The article outlines how just because you have bad thoughts doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Take experiencing intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature for instance. The article says: ‘In adults with OCD, intrusive sexual thoughts are ego-dystonic, i.e. they are entirely repugnant. They are totally at odds with the values of the individual and there is no aspect of them that is attractive or sexually stimulating. Thus, someone with OCD with intrusive thoughts about having sex with children is likely to be extremely caring towards children. They are likely to: (a) already be a parent and/or working with children (or would very much like to be so involved in the future); and (b) evaluate themselves as ‘bad’ for having such thoughts.’

Intrusive thoughts related to OCD are EGO-DYSTONIC, meaning that they don’t align with a person’s morals, values or who they are.

Many people with OCD worry about acting on their thoughts or professionals who conduct assessments might worry about people with OCD acting on their thoughts (if they understand OCD, this shouldn’t be the case!), but this research paper says that: ‘at its simplest, this need never be a concern: there are no recorded cases of a person with OCD carrying out their obsession. By definition, such intrusions are unacceptable and ego-dystonic, and the person is no more likely to act on their intrusions than a person with height phobia is to jump off a tall building. The obsession represents a type of fear or worry that the patient does not want to happen; like all fears or worries, it concerns ideas that the patient wishes to avert at all costs.’

This research article literally changed my life when I read it. When I was suffering in the depths of OCD, when I thought that the thoughts that I was having meant that I was a terrible, awful, horrible person, this research paper showed me that I wasn’t alone. Just because I have ‘bad thoughts’ and intrusive thoughts about horrendous topics does not mean that I am a bad person. It showed me that there are professionals out there who understand OCD and it showed me that my intrusive thoughts do not represent who I am and that was massive for me in navigating OCD recovery. Just reading about some of the different intrusive thoughts that people have and about how there is literally no risk associated with them but that they are just intrusive thoughts changed how I saw recovery.

I will always be grateful for finding this research paper when I was in the depths of OCD and I will never stop shouting about it or shouting about the fact that people with OCD are not bad people just because of the thoughts that they have.

To anyone struggling with OCD or intrusive thoughts: You are NOT your thoughts. OCD is ego-dystonic, meaning that intrusive thoughts go against your morals, values and who you are as a person. That’s not your fault. Tell yourself over and over again that you are not your thoughts and your thoughts don’t define who you are.

Read the article here.

Love, Emily x

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